Getting some feedback from a friend on what I [M34] was like at age 20 is pretty hard to hold - "you were frantic"

WHO WOULD I BE IF I HAD GOT HELP THEN?!

WOULD I BE SUFFERING AS I AM NOW?!

I'VE BEEN THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE!

WHY DID NOONE HELP ME? (of course, i know the answer to this: they didn't, because they are like this too - (my mum and dad) - and when my mum did try, by then I was too ill to accept help)