Missed my fucking bus

College is supposed to be when you learn about yourself and reinvent yourself and make stupid mistakes and get an STD and party. I should have learned back then that I want to wear huge hoop earrings and tights and a frilly skirt and mascara. Nobody would even give a fuck. Nobody knew me. College people all do stupid shit. Who cares.

I just wasted my time coasting through engineering school and playing video games and being awkward at the like 2 parties I managed to show up at. Dancing was stupid because that's what the friends I hung around with thought. I didn't even know what I wanted but the people I surrounded myself with seemed to. And it was fine. Just fine.

Now I'm too fucking old for this shit and I finally know that I want to be pretty and hang out with girls and get drunk and dance until the morning but I'm paralyzed and can't do anything because I have a career and people know me and nobody just changes their whole fucking personality at my age, that would just be fucked up and weird.

It's too late and I missed out and there are no do-overs and just fuck all of this honestly.