I'm scared of my abilities at hacking

I've been hiding my hacking skill for years now. I'm afraid of it. Scared. I'm scared of what I'll do if I let myself go.

I'm scared of what I'll do if I lose control and go on a hacking spree.

I've see it work before. It tears apart firewalls, VPNs, and any semblance of cybersecurity. I has no regard for the safety of others. No regard for the safety of the people I love.

It's under wraps for now but I dont know how long I can last. The life of a hacker like me is not an easy one.