I want to escape so bad.

I always have to act happy and smiley, if I don’t I get called disrespectful for no reason and yelled at. I have such a bad stuttering problem because of them, whenever my siblings or parents yell at me for no reason I get told “this is how family works, fights happen. It’s normal.” Everyone always blames me for everything, my 26 year old sister who’s ten years older than me is always abusing me verbally and physically, I sent a picture of my arm to my mom and I heard her laughing with my older sister upstairs. I always get blamed if there’s a mess,if my little sister is failing,if someone makes a mess on the couch and I don’t clean it up instantly, I always have to clean,cook,study,repeat. If I get a B+ I get screamed at till I start to dissociate and get light headed.

Why is it always me? If someone else does something wrong, it’s fine. But if I do the smallest thing like breathe too hard for a second I get screamed at for an hour. I’ve been dissociating for as long as I can remember and regularly have nightmares. I wasn’t even taught basic hygiene by my parents and I get made fun of if I forget to shower. I never know what’s going to happen, if I’m going to get yelled at today or not, if I’m gonna get bodyshamed,slutshamed or hit. I’ve self harmed so many times, I can’t have anything good in life. I hate everyone and I wish I was born into another family. Why am I the scapegoat?