I miss this person

I shouldn't even be thinking about him but I really miss him. His name is Taiwo. We used to hang out, even though we weren't together like in a relationship, i saw that he thought about marrying me but we were different religions. I dont think he was emotionally available either. He didnt feel good enough, I enjoyed spending every second with him. Its a shame I didnt do the deed with him as at that time I struggled with vaginismus and he was religious, he was a Christian. We only had oral sex. His eye contact used to drive me insane and how he went down on me...I miss him. He used to shower me with a lot of gifts. We used to stay in hotels and id get drunk and just feel the comfort from him. Life feels too serious now. He was the one that got away and I wish I fucked.