I‘m an immoral piece of garbage

To trigger my daydreams, I sometimes go searching for content connected with child abuse on Reddit, and there are usually like real stories of people suffered from child abuse and even though I know how messed up that is even though I feel bad for these people, I still read their posts for my twisted pleasure, just for my daydreams, for this fucking stupid fantasy La La Land which is ruining my life. And I’ve only recently realized how fucking immoral this is. Like… I’m literally enjoying stories of people suffering, I enjoy their fear. I enjoy how others harmed them…

And before anyone asks, I’ve never suffered from physical abuse like from my parents harming me and this sick pleasure… It just makes even less sense.

I feel like shit.

If someone who was abuse in the past or even still being abused, I’m… I’m deeply sorry…

I thought i coped with evil inside me but no…

I use other’s messed lives to mess up mine even more.