First day after D-Day. The pain is unbearable.

First of all, I’m sorry if my English isn’t perfect — it’s not my first language, and I translated most of this with a chatbot.

I (M29) and my ex (F30) were together for 12 years, basically since we were teenagers. We met in high school when we were 16 and 17.
Even in the early years she showed some strange behaviors: whenever I wasn’t socially active enough (we’re talking about two Saturdays in a row where I simply didn’t feel like going out with the group), she would “punish” me by saying she had developed “undefined feelings for” a mutual friend.

She did this multiple times throughout the relationship (with multiple people, obv). Probably the only reason we didn’t break up earlier is that these people never reciprocated her feelings. Every time, she said she regretted it and wanted to regain my trust.

After twelve years together, last week she met someone who actually reciprocated her interest — and she took the chance to leave me. She confessed it to me yesterday, and that’s when we broke up.

Besides feeling stupid for forgiving all those emotional betrayals, there’s something else I need to talk about.

She suffers from vaginismus. I always tried my best to make her feel comfortable, safe, and supported. I suggested several specialized therapists, but she always said she was too embarrassed.
Because of this, our sex life was extremely rare and unsatisfying for me.
Yet yesterday, during D-Day, she had the nerve to tell me she “never felt like a full woman” because of this issue… while for 12 years I was painted as the “pig who only wanted sex” (even though I never made a move more than once a week). How is this supposed to magically change with her new partner? This makes me feel a mix of humiliation, anger, and despair.

Despite all these problems, I loved her more than anything. She was my world.
She could be sweet, caring, generous, empathetic. But when she entered those states where she claimed to “have feelings for someone else” (6 or 7 times during the relationship, lasting from one week to one month), she treated me with coldness and acted almost disgusted by my emotional reactions.

I have no idea how I’m going to get through this. I’ll definitely start therapy, and I’ll ask my friends to spend time with me so I don’t spiral.

So… what do you think about the situation?
And honestly, I could really use some words of comfort — I’ve often found them in this sub.