I broke up with him a month ago and I can’t stop thinking about him

I ended things with someone on November 6th after 2 months together, and I feel like I made the worst decision ever. I can’t sleep or wake up without thinking about him—it’s been a month.

He was the first person I ever got close to in my 20 years. We met at a bar, and a week later we were exclusive. He was affectionate, intense, and always present. We saw each other 3 times a week and talked every day in this past 2 months.

After we became intimate—my first time—he started pulling away. The messages became less sweet, and he seemed distant. I tried to talk with him about but he would say that it was not my fault and that he had to fix this with his friends and psychologist (and at the end he said that the fact that I was insecure in my >first time< made him rethink about our relationship, and that's why he became distant at the time). He wouldnt communicate me things. Small things started bothering me: he’d play phone games instead of talking, he didn’t engage as much,sometimes we would stay silent for almost an hour if I didn't said something, and sometimes he lacked tact when talking about sex in front of me.

Jealousy started creeping in. Friends, small interactions, little things—they all hit harder than they should have. Eventually, I ended it after he refused to make small efforts, like walking me to the bus, or refusing seeing me on the weekends and then agreeing to go out with his friend.

We spoke one last time monday, and he blamed me for everything again, calling me insecure and immature. I finally let out everything I’d been holding back.

But the truth is— we both were immature, I miss him so much it physically hurts. I liked him, deeper than I realized. I regret breaking up and wish I could go back. I wanted him with my family for Christmas, by my side for New Year’s. I feel like I’ll never like anyone else (I know this isn't true but it hurts). It’s bitter, painful, and I’d do anything to have him back 💔

it made so much at the time, but now hurts so much... I can't take it anymore, I just want it to stop hurting