I’m writing a podcast episode about money in politics and would love feedback so far.

Welcome again to Taurus in a China Shop! I’m your host, Aaron.

It’s our 5th date now and I’m finally comfortable enough to fart in front of you.

But I’ll keep that in my back pocket for now. In the meantime we can chat about the people who have collectively shit on democracy for centuries.

Last week we witnessed Puerto Rico and Washington DC trade historical uppercuts in a fight for statehood.

This week, we’re going to pretend we’re forensic accountants and follow the money to see how it influences politics.

Everyone dreams of at least having the financial freedom to do what we want in our free time. The American dream, at its core, is about the freedom to do as you please and surround yourself with loved ones. But the majority of us want to be filthy rich. Few of us ever get there. But for as long as there have been people with too much money, they’ve thrown it at politicians to influence policy. More often than not, it’s at the expense of those of us without.

You’ve likely never heard of Mark Hanna, but he profoundly impacted your life, if indirectly. Hanna was a wealthy businessman in the late 1800s who saw tariffs as a useful tool to stave off foreign competition and keep him wealthy.

Those tariffs were a hot button issue in the upcoming election and Hanna saw William McKinley as the man to keep those tariffs in place.

For all we know, these two could have genuinely liked each other. They were ideologically aligned, after all, but I’ve been called a cynic before and it’s circumstances like McKinley’s that make me question motives. McKinley was the governor of Ohio, but running for president and was nearly bankrupted when his $100,000 business debt - $3 million by today’s standards - threatened his candidacy. Hanna swooped in and fundraised the money to get his friend out of hock and secure his future.

Now, Stop me when you hear a familiar tune. McKinley won the presidency and offered Hanna a role in his cabinet. McKinley turned it down, only so he could be appointed Ohio’s senator by the new governor of Ohio. Hanna stayed involved in his business dealings while in office, vigorously defending tariffs while there.

But we’ve gotta rewind, because none of that explains how Hanna fucked you.

[SFX: Tape rewind effect]

While running McKinley’s campaign for president, he solicited his rich friends for campaign contributions, but it helps to think of Hanna as more of a bookie. In exchange for these contributions, Hanna promised access to McKinley once in office and kept a running ledger of who contributed how much. As a result, Hanna spent more than 5 times McKinley’s opponent to get him elected.

Because of this fire hose worth of cash in campaign contributions, the you’s and I’s of the day demanded some kind of oversight, which brings us to the Tillman Act of 1907.

Tillman himself was a staunch white supremacist who also had trust issues where big corporations were concerned. He was highly controversial and any legislation he introduced was immediately scrutinized and watered down before passing. The key takeaway is this: the bill banned corporations and national banks from contributing directly to federal campaigns.

Can you feel how much heavy lifting the word “directly” is doing in that sentence? The Tillman Act left the door wide open for companies to spend money on campaigns through political action committees and since there’s no incentive for these politicians to establish an independent watchdog, why bother including it in the legislation?

Now, because I tend to be a humorist, I love exploiting irony, even when it’s pointed right at my own sensibilities. That being said, I find it funny that labor unions exploited the lack of enforcement written into the Tillman Act before corporations. Though, they weren’t alone. The bill didn’t bother to exclude wealthy people from donating large sums either.

So while labor unions were eventually banned from using treasury funds to donate to federal campaigns, they got crafty and created the modern political action committee, or PAC. Big corporations, being the creative geniuses we know and love, almost immediately copy-pasted the PAC model for themselves.

Are you at “Fuck this whole system! It’s been corrupted since day one!” yet? I know it’s tempting, but I’ve learned to occupy the emotional space between cynic and optimist… you know… human. Don’t let all this info drag you under. If there are enough of us sharing this info and learning how we got to this place, then we can learn to avoid repeating history. Again.

So, back to the bullshit. If you’ve never heard the term “Originalist”, I’m gonna make your ears bleed. These folks are of the same vibe as people who take the Bible literally. They see the Constitution as a document with very intentional verbiage and don’t care to see inferences in the text… unless it benefits them.

So these types of justices weren’t identifying themselves as Originalists yet, but they were part of the majority on the Supreme Court in 1976 and in the case of Buckley v Valeo l... and because they were looking for the 'original intent' of the Founders when they wrote the First Amendment protecting speech, they concluded that money spent on campaigns wasn’t much of an inference at all. And we remember our little chat about the freedom of speech, don’t we?

Well, if money is considered speech, then who are these justices to mute the ‘words’ of rich assholes? And so, they turned Mark Hanna’s fire hose back on full force.

In this moment, you might be questioning our relationship. On our 2nd date, I told you, you could say what you want until the government tells you to shut up, or I kick you out of my house. On our 3rd date, I suggested you role play as Mr. Smith and bootstrap your way into Washington, and now on our 5th date I’m threatening to fart in front of you and tell you, in no uncertain terms, that money really does talk.

Well, let’s see if I get invited back to your place after this. - Let’s rewind back to 1792 and meet the guy who basically invented the political cash grab, Mr William Hull.

[SFX: Tape rewind, longer than first rewind]

William Hull is the first lobbyist on record. Lobbyists get about as much adoration as a lawyer who moonlights as a used car salesman. This guy made them a thing. Not that his cause was inherently evil: he was paid to urge Congress to get Continental soldiers paid for their war services. He enlisted the aid of others to fight for the cause and ultimately failed. But the concept of paid influence took root.

Now, to understand why lobbying has been such a dominant force in politics, we’re going to have to dust off that asterisk at the end of the first amendment. Faithful listeners will remember this lil guy back in episode two. It’s been litigated and settled by SCOTUS since 1954 that lobbying is a protected part of free speech, though lobbyists are required to disclose that’s what they are.

If Oprah were a politician and still hosting her talk show, she’d use her “Oprah’s Favorite Things” episodes to make sure everyone got a lobbyist.

“You get a lobbyist! And you! You too! Look under your seats! Everyone gets a lobbyist!!!”

And what can your lobbyist do for you? That all depends on your disposition. Yeah, I know, that word was vague as hell. But really, where do you stand morally and financially? That’s the rub.

To be as succinct and honest as possible, lobbyists are paid by special interest groups to chase down lawmakers to influence legislation.

But Aaron, how do they do that and why can’t I? Fair question. Lobbyists influence legislation one of 2 ways, by being extremely knowledgeable on a given subject, lending their expertise where needed; or by waving fancy yachts at the same legislators. Got a yacht on you? Me either.

Let’s look at the altruistic lobbyists first. They can offer a great deal of insight into the needs of their clients and make sure legislation doesn’t have unintended consequences. That altruism is great unless we’re talking about lobbyists for oh… I don’t know… the banking industry.

Then there’s the practice of “shadow legislation”. Writing legislation is tough. Just look at how much it ages these politicians. They go in looking like AOC and come out looking like Chuck Grassley. What can a lobbyist do to help these poor souls? They can just write the legislation for them! Easy peasy. Of course, this is pretty much frowned upon, but it happens.