My mom loves her partner than her daughter

i feel like I’m accidentally pushing my mom away, even though I don’t fully understand what I’m feeling. I recently moved in with her, but I didn’t grow up with her. I lived with family friends who weren’t related to me, and my childhood there wasn’t healthy or safe. My mom would visit sometimes, mainly to see the person who supported us.

When I was about 10, I was exposed to things no child should be around. Later, my mom brought me to live with her for about two years, and I hoped I would finally experience what it felt like to have a mom. Instead, I had to grow up quickly. I witnessed constant fights between her and her partner, sometimes extreme. I often cried and begged her to stop, but she never really saw how scared I was. I felt like she cared more about her partner than me. Something very hurtful also happened to me during that time involving one of her partner’s relatives.

After those years, I stayed with relatives from my mom’s side. They helped me find some peace and heal. That was the longest period I ever felt stable.

Now I’m living with my mom again. She’s married to someone new, and I’ve been here for about three months. But my peace is already falling apart. I’ve seen her and my stepdad argue, and one night I woke up to them fighting loudly. She was drinking, and he was trying to stay calm. I recorded it for safety because I don’t fully trust him based on something he once said that made me very uncomfortable, especially considering my past.

That night I was shaking and crying alone in my room. It reminded me of the time when my mom couldn’t choose between me and her partner. I feel like she always needs to be with someone, even if it hurts me.

Recently, I’ve been talking back more and raising my voice. I feel guilty, but I can’t stop. It’s like I’ve had to act more mature than her, and instead of being her daughter, I feel like I’m the one taking care of her emotionally. It’s exhausting. I feel drained, overwhelmed, and hopeless. I really need guidance because the situation is wearing me down.