My 12 year old niece was found talking to so many guys online and has over 9 accounts. PLEASE HELP.

I want to ask everyone to please not be judgmental and to be helpful. My sister and I are literally having a breakdown right now. We are both extremely emotional and panicking, so please be mindful.

My sister does not have Reddit, so I am writing this on her behalf and also for myself.

Let me start from the beginning so you can fully understand the situation.

First, I want to describe my niece. She is one of the most responsible and well-behaved kids I have ever met. She gets all A’s, is one of the top students in her class, always listens to her parents, cleans up after herself, does not cause drama, helps her mom whenever needed, and never really asks for much. She has a group of friends at school, and even though she is popular, her personality is very shy. She has been like that since she was very little.

My sister and her have a wonderful, respectful relationship. It is not a friendship but built on deep trust and mutual respect. Honestly, it is one of the best mother-daughter relationships I have ever seen.

About 6 months ago, my niece asked if she could have social media, especially TikTok, because all of her friends had it and she felt very left out. My sister hesitated at first, but my niece kept explaining how excluded she felt and how much she was missing out. Eventually, my sister agreed, based on how responsible and trustworthy her daughter has always been and because she knew her school friends.

About 4 months in, my niece slowly started withdrawing, isolating herself, and spending more time alone. My sister noticed this and confronted her, asking who she was always talking to online. At that moment, my niece’s face changed to fear, and my sister immediately knew something was wrong.

My sister took the phone and started looking through it. She discovered that my niece had over 9 accounts and was talking to many people. She was also in a deep conversation with a guy she talked to constantly. My niece was telling him everything she did, what she ate, and was repeatedly saying that she loved him. This guy was giving her attention through love-bombing and then ignoring her, which caused my niece to beg for his affection. My sister scrolled up and saw inappropriate sexual messages, and at that point she had to stop. She could not handle it and immediately called me.

I feel sick to my stomach. My sister is panicking and blaming herself for allowing her daughter to have a phone. The phone has now been taken away and is in my sister’s possession.

What is the best way to deal with this situation? Should my sister ban her from having a phone until she is 18? What should we do if her daughter becomes distant or rebellious after this? Please share your thoughts and experiences. My sister and I will be reading all of this together to help guide us.