Mid-Twenties Suck

I don’t know where to start from. I am 25/F and like any other person in India I surrounded by people around my age getting married. my family had started preparing me mentally that a couple of years back that we will start looking for you as well. Due to a very traumatic relationship which ended in 2022, (it was a narcissistic abuse as per my therapist); I have developed certain fears of long term commitment and personally even I don’t want to get married or start looking for matches.

Whenever someone mentions about marriage and looking for matches for theirselves, I feel very anxious and helpless. I am currently preparing for doctoral studies abroad this is something I always wanted to do. My family is kinda okay with it but I am bearing all the study abroad process fees by myself it is over 2 lakhs now. I don’t know if I will get an admit or not. What does my future hold. My career in India is super doomed and I always wanted to be financially independent. (I would not want to tell about my career).

If there’s anybody in this situation please help me deal with it. I feel like I am a bigtime failure and nothing is going to workout for me.