My [F26] advice to you after a break up with my ex BF [M36]

Hi Reddit friends,

I’m usually the one asking for advice, but today I want to give some.

Months ago, my ex suddenly broke up with me, and it completely shattered me. I felt enraged, confused & guilty. I cried every day. I was anxious, sad, and felt stuck in a hole I didn’t think I’d ever climb out of. Staying “friends” afterward only made it harder… I felt like we were still together, still responsible for each other, and I kept giving effort as if the relationship still existed.

I’m here to tell you this: it is possible to move on.

I went from adoring every inch of this person, breaking down whenever something reminded me of him, struggling to sleep, and having no motivation to celebrate holidays or personal accomplishments… to feeling nothing for him now.

Not anger. Not sadness. Just peace.

I was so traumatized by how sudden the breakup was because I truly felt secure with him. The idea of ever building a relationship after that made me nauseous, and I genuinely believed I would never find someone I could connect with again.

Let me tell you this… staying in contact with your ex keeps you stuck in a spiral. It keeps the hope alive, keeps the wounds open, and makes it harder to see things clearly.

It wasn’t until months after the breakup, when I finally told him I didn’t want to talk anymore and gave myself the space I actually needed, that real reflection began.

You start realizing it wasn’t meant to be, because he didn’t actually want the relationship to begin with. Not because of the excuses he gave.

You start noticing the red flags you ignored before.

You realize the person you pictured him as isn’t who he truly is.

You start to realize he has deep, personal struggles that no one can fix than himself.

You become more logical and less emotional.

And that’s when healing truly begins. When you stop blaming yourself for someone else’s lack of commitment.

I’m not perfect, but I wasn’t the reason it didn’t work. It took me detaching to finally see that & quit self blaming.

Detaching wasn’t easy. It took time, boundaries, and choosing myself even when it hurt.

So my advice to you: If you’re in that dark, heavy place right now, please know this, you won’t feel like this forever. Don’t ever let a man tell you he doesn’t want to be with you twice. Cut that shit & LET GO. LET GO. LET GO. No matter how much in “good terms” you both stayed, if the break up wasn’t mutual DON’T offer friendship. Healing happens, even when it feels impossible. The truth hurts but it sets you free.

If I can get out, so can you. ❤️