I told my mother everything. Things i've been hiding for years.

So for context, i am in the 8th grade and am 14. I was always the therapist friend. For the last couple of years, (from 5th-7th) ive been the one everyone goes to. Im trying my best, but nothings working. Ive been self harming on my thighs. I have any friends. My parents have see me as the friendly extrovert, that talks to strangers and likes everyone i meet. Anyways, ive had these episodes kind of like deppression. They pass on there own, and during it is have suicidal thoughts, everything's hopeless, im emotionally exhausted, and I feel numb.

​They dont happen often. But ive been many patterns. Like, for example, they usually start either during winter exactly or at the start of the school year in August. So they are like yearly. ​I usually connect all of this to trauma. In 5th grade, almost all of my close friends were suffering from suicidal thoughts or self harm. I helped them. I remember, clearly, that this one boy i saved from committing. It was in the middle of class, and i physically grabbed his hands off of his neck. I saved multiple friends that talked about ending themselves or self harming. I was around it so much intact that i thought it was normal. So thats what i think started these deppression like episodes.​

I hid all of this from my mom. Until yesterday. I told her I wanted to talk thought text about mental health. She was blunt and asked if i was depressing or thinking or self harm. I said kinda yea. She litterally blamed my friend because ive been calling her alot. I eventually sent her a whose paragraph, telling her that none of this was because of my friend and she actually helped me. Then I went into the whole thing about trauma. She then proceeded to tell me this wasnt that serious. She simplified it and told me "just tell the thoughts to go away" like it was an inconvenience. She said i just needed to leave my room since I was in it all the time. She told me when that when extroverts dont spend enough time with people they get sad.

I WAS SO CONFUSED AND ANGRY. It told me she didnt even read the paragraph probably because the whole reason I was deppressed was because of people putting there problems on me. I WAS ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN. DEALING WITH SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. Clearly, she loves me, but has no idea what it feels like. This is so serious, and she was my last hope. Now I gave up, realizing she will be nostalgic help. What the hell do I do? I luv you all i need help please!!!