Life has no meaning without her

Less than a week has passed since I initiated a break between us to think things through. Unfortunately, it seems like I will have no choice other than to break up. Not because I want to, but because she hasn't showed and still isn't showing that she is willing to change the things that caused me to take this break. She doesn't even seem to understand. Everything feels hopeless.

So even though we haven't officially broken up yet, I'm reacting as if we have, since the chance of us being able to have a healthy relationship and stay together seems zero.

In just a day, it feels like everything has changed and my entire life is destroyed. As I might as well be dead. Nothing has meaning anymore. What's the point of completing my studies if she's not there to say how proud she is? What's the point of work if I'm not working for our future? What's the point of seeing friends or doing anything "fun", if she's not there with me at the end of the day? I don't see any point. I don't have any will to keep doing these things for myself. Without her, there's no point anymore.

My entire life has turned upside down. We've been together for over six years. I thought we would be together forever and get married. And in just a day, it was like I had an epiphany and realized how bad things really were. How much I've had to tolerate and forgive, while seeing very little action or change from her. But that doesn't mean the good parts aren't there, and being without them makes life feel like it has no meaning,

I feel like I'm gonna suffocate when I imagine a life without being able to hold her, be close to her, hold her hand. Never hearing her voice again. At the same time, my heart aches for her. I imagine how lonely she will feel. How hurt she will be. I'm the closest thing she has to family.

It doesn't help that our anniversary is around Christmas, which is coming up soon. We have so many traditions connected to this time of the year. So many plans. And now what?

The thought of ever being with someone else just makes me feel sick. I don't want to. I can't imagine it. No one will make me feel like she has. The thought of someone else just disgusts me.

I just want to end the break and run back to her. This is insufferable.