Why does my life have to this way?

I was born with psychiatric disabilities and learning disabilities, including autism and ADHD + severe symptoms never tied to a diagnosis (hallucinations of all forms and delusions were the big 2) I later developed mental health issues that were disabling before 18 and now at 26 my physical condition is deteriorating and no one knows why. I can’t walk very far and every week it’s harder and harder. My heart palpitations scream at me while I try to wait until my appointment to get the accommodation request to move to a first floor unit/apartment. My body can’t keep up. Then I got a cold and my body struggled harder than it’s ever struggled with a cold before.

It’s all too much too fast for me to keep up with. I fought so hard for my full independence and now I’m looking for a caregiver to come to my home twice a week to help me and make sure everything is okay and safe. I feel defeated and brokenhearted at this point. I got a taste of freedom and life started stripping it away bit by bit and there’s nothing I can do about it…

All I know for sure if I’ll NEVER go back into an adult foster/group home. Those places attract toxic staff and you’ll never know what they lied about and exaggerated in your file until you get out. Even then you have to be very lucky to get your file from someone who has access to it. In my case one of my case managers had it and gave me a copy to go over and correct all the info because she knew something was off about it. I’ve only lived in 1 good adult foster home and I wish he didn’t retire because I loved it there… he was genuinely a kind hearted person and respected my freedom and independence while also making sure my needs were met.