i make my loved ones miserable

i just don’t know what to do anymore. my mental illness is destroying my life and my boyfriend can’t stand being around me because of it. i am constantly depressed and unstable. i cry over everything and fly into fits of rage over nothing. i apologize for my existence more than i breathe. this disorder is evil and painful and it has been ruining my life for as long as i’ve had it and i cant take it anymore