whats going on 💔

so im currently in a state of mind where im super motivated to do things and super energetic and i feel great, but im wondering if im just getting better from feeling crap and hopeless for ages or if im going through some sorta episode?

im not gonna call it a hypomanic episode since im not diagnosed with bipolar or anything similar and don't wanna throw around terms, but whats making me consider it is that i havent felt like this for ages, except for a few months back when i got my parents to get me kickboxing lessons and i started working out and eating healthy only to stop like 2 weeks later bc i felt too tired and depressed to continue, also fell back into self harm after that and began eating nothing for a few days then binging, that eating cycle repeated

some things im feeling is very motivated, wanting to do so many things, i feel so much happier/more okay and more confident about myself and i just want to become a different person, also not wanting food as much and speaking more and faster, mainly to my friends. also not wanting to sleep as much. ive also frantically cleaned and organised EVERYTHING in my room, even messy drawers which i never go into which is never usually like me to do, ive been studying a lot and doing more art

ive had thoughts of walking on the edges of rooftops, i planned to get on a train and go to a city nearby me to explore but then decided not to bc i didnt want to steal my parents money, i ALMOST walked along traintracks today just for the fun of it but stopped myself again because i knew there would be consequences (£1000 fine according to the sign there about tresspassing). but im still thinking about doing all these things and ive planned out in my head how to do them. and also thinking of hurting this guy who's been pissing me off recently and just people in general, but i have violent thoughts for no reason all the time even at my worst 😭 i just need to be doing something bc i feel so restless and bored, even if that means watching a show whilst also on my phone but also simultaneously drawing (which ive done quite a lot when i feel this energetic) i hate being in my room all day currently which is weird bc i usually cherish being alone and being in my room even though when i feel depressed i yearn to be happy and i just make myself feel worse

but i feel like since because im a teenage girl this is probably just be hormones since i havent actually done anything impulsive/dangerous or anything that could harm myself or my life and i was able to hold myself back from the thoughts of actually pursuing them because in the back of my mind i knew the consequences and im a person who often thinks about others and i think im kinda a cautious person and didnt want to face thosr consequences, but i feel as though i might do one, specifically the rooftop one. but i mainly just think its hormones lol bc as i said ive never been diagnosed with anything, so can someone confirm that this is just hormones and im being dramatic because im a teenager😞 holy yap