I think I fucked up

I cut myself. I was writing while watching YouTube and I just went on a fairly disturbing rant about how numb I am and I got a impulse to cut myself and I kept telling myself to do it and so I did and I’m just.. shocked. I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what to do. Really. I’m genuinely shocked. I want to talk to someone and I don’t know who to talk to and I’m scared I think. This doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe I just did this. I didn’t even feel it when I was doing it, I just did it.