Medication made me realize how disabled I was before it....

I had difficulty seeing my disability because I was able to be "successful" on (paper) in life both professionally and academically. But I realize now on medication, after being able to see what a less disabled life looks like, that the cost of that sucess was high - I was chronically burnt out, with a couple instances of major burn-out. I also have alexythymia (likely a large part of my ADHD), and so was not easily able to recognize the warning signs.

ADHD affected me socially - I didn't realize how dysregulated I was all the time, how much I ruminated, how much productivity this rumination would take away from me, how much it would cause me to react to and withdraw from others.

ADHD led to so much mental noise, that I was unable to read microsignals, perceive conversational timing (I would often interrupt because I was less attuned to social pacing). I would be so overwhelmed by competing sensory stimuli, that I could not stay out for more than two hours without feeling completely depleted. I genuinely thought I was an introvert because of this - in spite of many people questioning that label.

Turns out, on medication, I can socialize for 5 hours straight, actually enjoy it, genuinely feel like others appreciate me in conversation, and not feel like I need a week to recover from it. I now question whether I truly ever was an introvert, or someone who was unable to honour/express my extroversion because of how ADHD disabled me, socially....

Medication does not solve everything, and I still need supports and understanding, but I now see just how disabled I was... That comes with mixed emotions; grief, loss, anger, regret, and hopefulness... but overall, it makes me look forward to life in a way that I didn't know I could/should.