My family used therapy as an insult

My family have been bullying me about therapy MY WHOLE LIFE. They called me bad names “retarded, psychopath, sick”. Made secret family meetings of what to do with me, and that I need a psychologist, discussing my life; and they used needing help/therapy as an insult btw, not that they care. (This all happened when my mom died, I was 7 and I was acting up) .

And when I got better, they were talking how my dad didn’t want me (back when I was acting up) and couldn’t handle me that he was actually going to send me to a boarding school (they were laughing when they said that as if it was a joke). And I really thought they were joking but my dad confirmed he wasn’t. This actually broke my heart, and I started acting up again..Forward 17 years later, I tried to reconnect with them (we still live in the same house I don’t talk to them or eat with them tho) all of my siblings told me while I was trying to make up with them to go an see psychologist. One of them was 3 years so he can’t remember when all that happened. I just feel bullied and trash all over again, and I actually feel retarded

My problem: I went to a psychologist but I can’t address the real issue, and I feel if T told me I’m sick I will shout at her, and by going to her it just means that what my family said about me is true, and I simply can’t do it