I'm in love whit a boy and idk what to do.

Hi this is my first time posting and i just want some different opinions on what I should do in this situation. Also have to say that English is not my first language, so sorry if i have some misspellings or my text dosent make sense. Also have to say that i'll be using fake names, so all the names in the post are not real names of these people. Sorry its kinda long.

Aniways, hi this is kinda a really messy and complicated story but i'll start from the beginning. Hi i'm ella, 15F, and im in love whit Mike, 15M. I met Mike in this year's summer when i registered myself into Malev. I'm pretty sure that most people don't know what Malev is so i'll explain it as simpel as i can. It's like a summer camp where you go to work for 2 or 3 weeks and make some money. Depending on your age, you can go to an inner-city camp (13+, less hours and you go home after work) or an outer-city camp (15-16+, more hours, you live with other people and do joint activities). I chose the outer-city camp and it was a lot of fun. I hope this explanation was understandable.

But aniways before Malev we had a small introductory meeting where we talked something about ourselves. Not all the people were there beacause the date didin't work and they had a sepret meeting some days later. Aniways, we had to go there whit our bikse, beacause we needed to ride our bikse to work evry day. So i went to the place where we were supposed to meet and i was like 20 minutes early for the first time ever. I didn't really see anyone so i sat down on a bench and waited. Some time later a man came up to me and asked if i was here for Malev, and i said yes. So he pointed where the other people were sanding, and i took my bike and joind the circle. In that circle i saw Mike and i immediately thought, that he was really good looking and i glanced at him the whole time. The meeting was like 1h and after that i went home.

When i got home i called my friend who went to Malev whit me ( she didin't go to the meeting the same day i went). I told her, that in our group was a really cute boy who seemed nice and have a really good personality. And this made us even more ( especially me) excited to go. Beacause think if you could live, 2 weeks whit a boy who u kinda like. Sounds like a dream.

Finally the day came and we all meet in an parking lot. And i saw the other people who didin't came to the meeting. Aniways, we waited for all the people to arrive and then go on the buss to, our new home for the next 2 tweeks.

Were on the buss and people start to chat and talk. In the beginning i was kinda scared to talk but then i just joined the convo ( where Mike was in). Whit a little time Mike was directly just talking to me and we instantly clicked. We talked on the buss till we arrived to our destination, while we were moving our stuff inside, while we were doing group activities, basically the whole day. Towards the evening, we went to talk alone in an empty hallway and sat down on the windowsill. Basically he started telling me his family situation ( what is really fucked up) and some other things his going through. I felt so bad for him and asked if i can hold his hand, for support and he said yes. I also huged him. I felt so bad for him but happy that he had trusted me that early, so i talked about some of my things as well. I told him that i was griefing a family member, who died almsot a year ago ( a year had passed two days later) and some family problems i have. He felt really bad for me, held my hand and hugged me for a really long time. We talked for little bit longer and then joind the others. I felt like we had something. I was so happy that he had trusted me and also got some stuff off my chest.

I tought that i just really liked him and didin't notice these thing until months later. How i always had a need to talk to him, to look at him, to make sure he was okay. Every time i didin't see him, i asked others where he was and then went to search for him. I felt a need to see him at all times. When i woke up, i immediately looked towards, where he was sleeping. I talked about him constantly, to my friend. It was crazy.

But then i found out that, he's in an serious situationship (important for later). It wasent just talking, it was cuddeling, calling, texting, even kissing. I was sad but i knew i had to back off. So i did. And i honestly though that i got over him. Oh boy i was rong.

After that, he started to talk to me less and less. What hurt, but i understood that he started to talk to other people and i was happy that he'd gotten more friends. But basically he didin't acknowledge me at all when we were in a group setting. I'm not sayng that he didin't talk to me at all but it still hurt. I mentsioned that to him, cuple of times and he apologized and said he didin't do it on purpose. But it kept happening and after a while a gave up.

Nothing really happend after that and Malev was over. I was really sad and i honestly cried for 3 days. But it was beacause ouer group hade gotten so close, we were basically family. I missed everyone, especially Mike. After that me and Mike kept in touch and texted form time to time.

Then we planned to meet up whit our whole group. We were supposed to meet up in Halys house and do some fun stuff and sleep over. I knew that Mike was coming and he was in a rough spot at the time, so i wrote him a letter. Just sayng that i care about him and how much of a good friend he is. I wrote this letter meaning it as a friends, but holy i it wasen't just frendship. It was 2 A4 long. So the day came where we meet up at Halys place and i ask Mike to go talk somewhere private so i can give him something. We went to an empthy room and then gave him the letters. He was so suprised and thankful. He huged me so many times. He even teard up and told me that, no one has ever done something like this to him. I was happy that he liked it and then joined the others. Overall the night was really fun.

After that i had a nother summer camp. I found out that my parents werent home, the day i got back and will be coming home the next day. I immediately though that Mike should come sleep over at my place, so we could spend some time together and he could get away from his fucked up parents. I sent him a voice message and he said, that he wasent sure if he could come, but will text me when he was sure. I said okay, but really hoped that he can come. While i was in camp we texted and called and a day before it was over, he told me he could come to my place. I literally jumped whit joy and i was really happy.

The next day came and i went home and started to wait for him to arrive. I wrote a nother letter for him, while i was waiting and cleaned up a little. While i was waiting, he texted me that he couldn't sleep over, but still could come over to my place to hang out. I was sad but happy that he could atleast come over. When he arrived he had bought me 5 Red Bulls and i was honestly shocked. I have to say that i have a pretty unhealty addiction to Red Bull but its not as bad rn like it was before. I know im 15, but i think it as like, atleast its not vape or alcohol. Just saying it could be worse. But aniways we went to my room and i gave him the letter. He huged me so tightly and for a pretty long time. He thanked me many timse and said that our friendship is something that would last forever. Honestly i felt the same. Our friendship was something special. He told me that he has to go to dinner whit his sister, but will come back after. I said its fine and 2h later he left. While he was gone i went to the store because i needed milk. I also bought Mike some stuff, beacuase he brought me Red Bull. i bought him 2 coces one said " Bro" other said "Homie", some tuc, two little bags of tutti frutti and a bag of Kalev cookies we ate all the time in Malev.

After that i waited again. He came back 5h later and i was honestly pissed. But he had bought me 2 more Red Bulls beacuase the first time he hadent bought my favorate. That cooled me down. I gave him his stuff and he was really thankful and huged me again. Then he offerd that we should go look at the sunset. I was down and we took our bikes and rode to see the sunset. We get to the place adn we sit down. Mike puls out the snacks i gave him and i open a Red Bull. We talked for an houer and then got back to my place. We were just chilling in my room talking. But i have to say that his head was on my shoulder and we were holding hands. Then suddenly he said " i might like u" i got away from him, to really look at him and said " what really" and he said " Maby". The thing is he was smirking and saing it whit a tone that you understood that he was serious. I was shocked and i tought that i didin't like him anymore but i was rong. When he said it all my feelings came back to me. They haden't went away they just were put to the really back of my mind. And i said " I might like you too". But the thing is, he said it while hes still in an situationship whit Mia. I had totally forgotten about that.

We talked after that. We held hands, my head was on his shoulder and we huged for an hour straight. Its basically cuddeling right? He left my house at 2AM.

After we said goodbye, i sat on my couch and i swear i still felt his hug. When he got home he texted me good night. But the thing is, i knew he would choos Mia over me. I always knew it. The next day i started writing a nother letter, saing that while it hurt, he should choos Mia. Because they were talking before and i didin't want to ruin anything between them. I said that i will back off and hoped we still could be friends. But also said that if were ment to be togheter it will happen some day. I also wrote that i would wait for him as long as he needs and he knows where to find me. I wrote 2 letters in a row, what were both 2 A4 long.

Like i expected he wrote me 2 days latter apologizing for what he said and he felt really guilty beacaus he is serious whit Mia. I said its okay and we continued to be just friends.

I'm gonna speedrun the ohter stuff beacause im kinda tired of writing.

The next time we met after that , we meet whit ouer Maleva grup and talked and playd volleyball. Mike didin't talk to me till we were alone on the train, but it wasen't about what happend at my place. We even talked after we got off the train. I gave him his letters he thanked me agaian and gave me several hugs.

In the end of the summer we plan a meet up and i have a nother letter done for him, what were 3 A4 long. A day beafore we meet up, Mia added me on Snap. I accepted her and she said that she wanted me to back off his man. I asked her were they even daiting and she said yes. I started apologizing because i thought they were in an situationship. I said i would back off. She was actually wery sweet about evrything and she dosen't have a problem of us beaing friends.

But the thing is that Mike was the first one who confessed and i'm pretty sure he just told her that i like him and didin't tell her his end of the story. That is the thing that pisses me off.

We meet the next day and i just wanted to tap him up beacause what Mia had texted me, but he opend his arms and we huged. I started to let go but he was still holding on, what was kinda weard. We were riding on our bikes. We sit doen on a bench and i gave him his letter and the snacks i have bought for him. He thanked me and gave me a hug and then we just talked. I suggested do go to my place and he agreed. We were riding to my place when his dad called and said he had to go home. I was sad but i understood. Beafotre he left i meantiond that Mia texted me and he was suprised. He didin't know about that. I told him what she texted me and he said he would talk to her. He huged me 3 times before he actually started to go home.

After that we have texted but he usually dosen't respond and tooks him 1-7 days to actually respond. It really hurts my fealings beacause whit time, i now like him even more but i know i shouldn't. Thinking about him really hurts and i sometimse cry. I don't know what to do beacause ive tride to get over him and have tride to talk to other boys but nothing seems to work. Everywhere i go i always try to search for him and see him but i never do. Its honestly exhausting and i just want to get over him. But its so hard because im pretty sure his my first love. I think if i could talk to him or have a meet up, that i could get some answers and maby then my mind can finnaly rest.

I know i'm young but its been bothering me for too long and honestly my friends aren't really helping whit that. So pleas just give me some suggestions on what should i do in this situation.

And thank you for reading :)