I'll die out of loneliness

My heart is so destroyed, im so depressed my eyelids burn and hurt from crying so much I have no friends I feel like I'm a failure I feel so lost and alone I talked to mental crisis hotline for the last few days to help me cope although it helped calm down my anxiety the reality is the same today I dreamed with him and just so sad I idealized suicide because I think I'll never get better my self esteem is through the floor not having friends or being sure enough I'll ever get out of this pain I'll be the lonely girl forever I'll die because of loneliness