My (24m) boyfriend’s mother (55f) stayed with us for 9 days and it was a nightmare

Reddit, it is my worst fear. I have the crazy mother in law that you read horror stories about. Please sit down, buckle up, and help me deal with this before I lose my mind.

My (25f) potential future mother in law (55f), arrived to stay with us on Sunday. The first two days were great! She got us groceries, we ran some errands together. She hung out with her son while I worked a half day, and I entertained her while he worked his evening shift. He tried to get some time off of work, and at first his boss tentatively approved it. Then the day of he said no can do, come to work. So my boyfriend leaves and again I am alone all night (5pm-11pm) with his mom, after spending the whole day with her.

At first, I was looking forward to getting to know her better, as I had only met her for a few hours here and there on visits, as we lived about 2 hours apart for the last year, (now a flight away). She barely talked to me the first few times, but now she is chatty.

It started with the back handed compliments of “when I first met you, you were so positive, I thought there was no way I could deal with you. But now I think you’re great!” Ouch but ok, I’m not overly chatty, but I did ask her a few questions about her job and stuff, and if she liked the food at the restaurant. But she decided to come spend a week and a half with us anyways, without notice! She bought a non-refundable ticket then told us.

She asked how I liked the new city, I said I enjoyed it and it was nice to meet more of their family, and how nice and welcoming they had been. She commented immediately that “you’re not part of the family yet, so don’t talk as if you are!” I was a bit taken aback, as I wasn’t claiming to be part of the family, but I have been in a signed lease with her son for 6 months now (dating a year, friends for a year before that).

She has tried to rearrange my apartment and holiday decorations about 7 times now (despite me saying no many times). We put up many of the decorations WITH HER, including her in putting up ornaments, lights, etc. each time after I said what our idea or theme was for the decorations, she would take it, spin it in some tacky, over the top way, and insist on it, brining it up multiple times over multiple days.

She has also made many sexual comments about myself and my partner. He had shaved his face and I said how handsome he looked. She said she bet I want to “sit on his face”. My jaw was on the floor at that one. She made a BJ lips comment for how she sucks on joints, and how I should try to do just that. She asked me about grand babies and I said we weren’t interested in that as it doesn’t align with what we want in life. She said she disagrees with me, and that we need to have children. She said we’re the only ones who can (he has a step sister but she’s not having kids). She says he’ll be a great dad, I’ll be a great mom, and our babies would be beautiful. The next day when my bf and us were all hanging out, she brought it up AGAIN, and made the same guilting comments.

She has also helped my bf with his rent, and she has mentioned about 15 times how much she has “helped us” by giving “us” (her son) money for HIS rent and groceries but claiming it’s for “us”. I pay my own half of rent.

Today, she mentioned me wearing her wedding dress. Mentioned how the step daughter didn’t wear it, so I’d be the only chance for it.

The topper on the cake is that she wants to come back in 3-4 months. How do I set boundaries with her about all these things she has done? I feel like I’m fighting against someone who is in love with her son, using forced intimacy by overloading me with these personal questions and stories, and I am so incredibly uncomfortable. My bf is gone for most of the day the whole time she was here (between work, travel time, and obviously sleeping, this will not change by the time she’s back again) and keep in mind he works nights. While I took some days off because I thought it would be a good experience but it was not, and I also only work days so evenings I’m stuck. How do I address all these things? Reddit SOS.

TLDR: my mother in law is explicit, doesn’t respect boundaries, rude, and my bf was unavailable most of the visit.