I’m so scared to have sex again

Hello all! The title kinda says it all but a little background is always nice plus this may be TMI so there’s that warning.

I’m (20f) FTM currently 5wks postpartum with a healthy little boy, I exclusively breastfeed and delivered vaginally. I had a safe vaginal delivery, I got the epidural begrudgingly (I didn’t want it at first but was in labor for a week and was in so much pain my vision was blurry and I was exhausted), then I had to get an episiotomy since I almost tore circumferentially (thank god I didn’t) but I ended up with a first degree perineal tear and stitches from the episiotomy.

I have my six week postpartum appointment next week, where my OB is going to check my stitches, do a Pap smear, and I’m getting on birth control (nexplanon) that day too.

My fiancé is jokingly counting down the days til my appointment because he wants to have sex again and I truly want to as well. The only thing is I’m also absolutely terrified to have sex again. My fiancé is extremely respectful of me and my boundaries so I’m not scared of him overriding them. So the reasons I’m scared/hesitant:

1. It’s probably gonna hurt
2. my birth control won’t regulate for another 4 weeks and I don’t wanna get pregnant again this soon
3. my lower back and hips hurt as is from birthing my child
4. I don’t feel attractive
5. my boobs are off limits due to me breastfeeding, but my fiancé loves playing with them
6. I don’t wanna be leaking milk while having sex

I feel so bad being scared of sex especially because I miss being intimate in that way with my fiancé. I know it’s important to wait until I’m ready physically and mentally and cleared by my OB. I feel like I’m failing, he misses sex and so do I. I don’t want him to feel like I’m not attracted to him when I’m so insanely attracted to him especially after seeing him be a dad. I’m just at this weird mental crossroad where even tho I miss it I feel like I need a valid reason to say no if I don’t want to and none of my reasons seem valid. At least with stitches I have a valid reason that my brain can’t argue with.