So what the fuck?

Hi, my name is Antonella. I'm 19 years old, and I have lived all my life with a pwBPD. My mom.

The reason she developed it was, of course, high infant trauma. My grandfather molested her, she sought help on my grandma and she... well, stayed.

I grew up with a suicidal and promiscuous mom, I had to watch her for her not to off herself, skipping class as young as 8 years old. She always bringed guys over to the apartment, when she was married to my stepfather.

I had to live through pretty traumatic shit, like closing her bean wounds so she doesn't end up locked in the psych ward for attempting suicide 3rd time in the year. Or running away from abusive partners she had after my stepfather, one even put a GPS device on her phone.

I turned 17 and things already got better since my brother was borned on November 5th 2020, and then everthing went to shit when i started to date this Jane Doe. My mom really, really did NOT like Jane Doe. One of the things she disliked was his syndrome, fibromyalgia, and the things that can come with it that he suffered from, like depression, lack of passion, etc. Things started to get messy quickly.

In a year, I wasn't able to date him anymore. My mental health started to decay, because I really did love him. Fights escalated, my mom told me to off myself, and I SH for the first time. I went on and beyond, whole arm full of cuts, then I got scared and started to cry for her to help me but she wouldn't unlock the door. So I called Jane Doe, and that's when mom appeared, and then blamed him for everything.

MAKES SENSE RIGHT?

fuck.

When they told me to permanently break up with him, I lost it. (Yes, them. My stepfather is still around) I also had just got into Uni, so alot of stress. Started taking meds by then. I thought; "I don't want to live through this" and stabbed myself in the stomach 2 times. For the record, my stepfather and I were already boxing a long time into the fight, so the cops were called, they were there when I did it, they hold me at gun point. Ambulance was called immediately. Cops were called ON ME, and I was about to get arrested when I WAS the one all bruised up. A 120 pounds girl 5'2 19 year old vs 200 pounds grown man 6'1 39 year old. yea right...

will finish this later i'm very sleepy