Roommate Kicked Me Out

Ten months ago, I moved to a new city. I found a room to rent quite quickly. I travelled to the city, met the landlord/occupant for about an hour and then moved in. I moved for work and the place was near my office. We are both mid-to-late 30's.

My roommate presented himself as being very progressive and emotionally intelligent. We would regularly chat in the living room about various topics. We were on the same page when discussing politics, values, travel, etc.

After the first month, I went through something and he was very emotionally supportive. During this time, he was also actively using dating apps. Only a few months before I moved in, he broke up with his long-term partner and had a woman lined up. This woman rejected him after a few months of showing minimal interest. Once my roommate caught on, he started using the apps.

My personal situation ended after two months and I was doing well. I became very social again and was generally quite happy. I also had a little crush on someone and shared this with my roommate. He always talked about his dates with me and I was very supportive, but once I became more happy, he became a jerk.

My roommate started making rude comments towards me, as if I was not his type. He also started insulting my friends and he snapped at me one day for no reason. He later apologized, but he completely changed.

I have pets and when I first moved in, and for the first few months, he acted like he loved my pets. Then he all of a sudden turned cold towards them. He also pretended to be looking for a vehicle that was around $40,000 when I first moved in. He does not have a vehicle, just a pedal bike. I also do not have a vehicle, but our incomes and careers are very opposite. I have a good career and a PhD. My roommate is a mail carrier.

Once I worked through my issue and became happy, my roommate became an absolute jerk. He would leave the room anytime I came around. If I started a conversation about recycling or something in the house, he would ignore me and go to his room. If we did converse, he would speak down to me. He always lectured me or would just say "right" in a condescending way. Many times, I would say "good morning" and he would ignore me.

I never once complained and just let things go. I was always very personable and kind. I also bought most of our communal items in the house. I paid for all the toilet paper, dish soap, etc. I also did all the cleaning. He never lifted a finger. He refused to mow the lawn.

I am very quiet and respectful. I never have people over. I pretty much just sleep, work, go out once in awhile, never have people over, etc. I asked to have a male friend come stay over on Halloween and my roommate said yes. A day or so later, he asked me where my friend would be sleeping. I asked if the couch was ok and he was very happy and said "of course." Then when my friend came over, he cancelled his own plans in order to supervise us. He acted like he was this awesome guy and sat with us and ate with us. He also hung his underwear in the bathroom the entire time my male friend was over. Something he had never done before.

After ten months of living together, he asked me for $65 for utilities. I'm fine to pay for utilities, but I said that I would like to have a conversation. I mentioned that since I moved in, I've paid for all of our communal items, from toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc. and that I also do all the house work. He said we could make a chore wheel.

I also noticed that he has been using my personal items. His toothpaste has not been replaced in over six months, and mine was being emptied super fast. I brought these things up in conversation but he kept suggesting a chore wheel and denied using my things.

I eventually told him that I felt like he was projecting his anger towards women onto me. I said that I noticed that he has been repeatedly rejected by women since I moved in and that he is unhappy and lonely. He laughed at me and asked how long it took me to come up with that. I raised my voice and said his behaviour towards me has been low-key abusive, with him giving me the silent treatment for months and speaking down to me. He responded with "should I call the police?" I was not yelling but my voice was raised. He kicked me out. He tried to kick me out that day but I said no. He told me I had until Friday (five days).

I've since moved, but feel bad for saying some mean things to him, like pointing out some of his biggest insecurities. He went to stay with his brother for time off that was pre-planned.

I know I did nothing wrong while living with this guy, but I feel really bad for pointing out his biggest insecurities. I said some mean things during our argument, like that he was a loser who had no business speaking down to me and while he was trying to lecture me about being a counsellor in his community, I told him he has no community because he has no friends. I just could not listen to him try to lecture me anymore. I feel like he has been taking advantage of not only my household labor, but my income by using my personal belongings, while also treating me like garbage.

His response to me when I said I felt like he was projecting was that he is considered a "counsellor" in his community and he decided to be more selective about who gets his attention. I could understand that, but he only became a jerk once I became happy. I feel like he thinks I owe him something for his brief emotional support. I also mentioned that me saying "good morning," is not emotionally taxing, yet he always ignored me.