Loss of family member, day 3

I guess day 3 is the day for guilt. I have spent the day listening to all talk about how wonderful our family member was. And here i sit, thinking of yes, the hell they put me through for so long, and just smile and nod my head as they talk. There was a reason, many reasons, for putting this family member NC. And those reasons did not go away just because they passed. There are so many unresolved issues that will never be put to rest now. Hence the guilt. I am so lucky that I have a wonderful husband for support, and another gift in my life, is my AA group. Boy! Can they deal with guilt.

Is it wrong of me to still think of this family member as NC, even in death?