Im getting old and I don't like it.

About to be 27 this February. Proud of everything ive overcome but lets be honest, some things are so deeply ingrained in how you grew up that it shapes everything afterwards and thats the part I don't like.

Growing up I saw my friends going through similar things drop like dead flies. I thought I finally got out of seeing all my friends dying then I went into the military, met this dude I initially hated lmao then became best friends. We made all these plans for things we'd do after we got out then poof hes just gone.

I bought my house and a couple months after I finally got a bed. Im in my bed looking up at the ceiling and I realized "oh shit I bought the house. Saav isnt here to see it" and i just started balling my eyes out.

I got a dog a couple days ago, shes the best.

Growing up I always dreamt of the day where id have a normal life but I honestly couldn't imagine it, it was all survival without an end. Nowadays I have what should be a nornal life but I don't know how to be normal, im still stuck on survival mode, I quite literally dont know how to enjoy my "normal" life.

Today I was thinking about how id like to eventually move somewhere in oregon surrounded by woods, away from people and im realizing the thought of making it into my 40s is terrifying, shit even 30s to be honest with ya