Being excluded = They hate me

Idk if this is necessarily a question.

Okay, so I have a decent friend group online that I play games with frequently. I don’t talk to many people IRL to be honest, I’m too anxious and insecure. So playing games and talking with people is really the majority of my socialization because I can control my image, I can calculate what I’m saying before I say it. But whenever I’m not included in something my friends are doing, my brain automatically goes to them purposefully not inviting me, gossiping/talking shit about me behind my back, saying how annoying I am, and ESPECIALLY the whole “he thinks he’s our friend but we just tolerate him” thing.

I know, realistically, this probably isn’t the case. But I can’t stop myself from spiraling.

In a similar sense, I will drop EVERYTHING to join in because I’m scared of missing out or only being available after everyone else left. I’ll skip meals, I won’t get off until everyone else has, I’ll sacrifice sleep (staying up til 12-2am even if I have school at 6am or work the next day.).

TLDR: self destructive FOMO, how do I stop myself from spiraling?