I still want it to be you

I know, I know. It’s been like 8 months since we last kissed. Or even held hands. Five months ago you told me you didn’t want to have this conversation again. At least not until I’d healed a little more. I’m respecting your wishes. That’s why I’m not sending this to you.

I’ve done a lot of work. I’ve put so much into myself. I’ve worked so hard to heal and I have. I even tried the dating apps.

But I still have feelings for you — such intense, whole-hearted, bone-deep feelings for you that I cannot get to go away. And honestly recently it’s kind of seemed like you might still feel something too, but are… afraid to say anything. It feels so obvious, everyone I ask says they think so too.. But I can’t rely on that. I can’t assume that. And I can’t ask. So I have to assume you are moving on, and move on too.

But I can’t be your friend like this while I feel like this. While I love you. It’s just too painful. I can’t give you the girlfriend-level attention without the commitment from you. I can’t sit by and watch you date other people and hear you complain about how hard it is knowing I am sitting right here. I can’t be close to you.

And I can’t ever bring this up again.

So that means I have to go. And just detach myself from you. I know right now I see you every day, we text all day long — you will notice. I’m so sorry that you’ll probably never know why.