I didn't want to go back

I just want to share a story because it's been eating at me for years. So, a few years ago I had a psychotic episode that lasted months. Nothing violent, just delusions, paranoia, voices. It was very very difficult for me. I was also severely depressed. I went to the ER because I was in crisis. I voluntarily was admitted to a behavioral health facility. I was there for a week and placed on antipsychotics. The psychosis finally went away. The day I was discharged from the facility, I stated all I really wanted was a cheap cappuccino from a convenience store nearby because they limit your caffeine intake in inpatient behavioral health facilities. My mental health had been so bad previously that I couldn't be in stores around other people. Well, when I got out, I felt great and like I was just so happy to be out. When we went to the convenience store, he had our daughter outside the store and was talking to a friend in the parking lot. So, I just walked in by myself to get a cappuccino. Well, apparently he didn't like that. I told him all I wanted was some caffeine because I hadn't had much access to it for a week. I was a stay at home parent at the time, so I relied solely on him financially. So, I get my cappuccino, he comes in with my daughter and grabs a few other things. We get to the register, and he flat out tells me he's not paying for it. He walks away with our daughter after paying for his other items and leaves me at the register with my cappuccino. I'm deeply embarrassed and hurt. Luckily I remember I had a dollar and some change in my wallet. So I pay and walk out. All I could think when I got back into the car was, I can't go back. I don't want to go back to this. I had gotten so used to being treated with respect in the behavioral health facility. People there talked to me like I was ap person, with respect and kindness. They listened and did not judge. This was all because I left him with our daughter and walked into the store before he did instead of waiting for him. I was just so happy to be out and I figured he has my daughter. It's fine. But I guess he thought there had to be consequences for that type of happy, independent behavior. It felt like all that healthy self-esteem I had grown over the past week just completely left my soul. I realized my happiness meant nothing to him but a threat. Unfortunately, I'm still struggling with my self-esteem, and I'm still with him. To hurt me during such a vulnerable time is something I don't think I will ever forget or forgive him for. His lack of empathy is quite frankly disgusting, and it's slowly killing me continuing to be treated with such a lack of respect. I didn't want to go back, and every day I'm reminded I don't want to be here with him.