I am struggling to understand why people want to do any of this

21m I see life as something so repetitive and disappointing. Find job then work then money then do that forever. I don’t really enjoy things in this world, I think I have spent most of my life chasing happiness and have failed. I don’t really feel any connection to anyone or anything in this world I have never been in a relationship or have any friends. I think anything in this world that I love is just a coping mechanism. I always feel like I am going against the wind that anything I do I am doing wrong or poorly. My mind is broken it is that of a monster, I never say or do the right thing I am always the fool stumbling. The more time I have spent here the more time I spend realising that I am not supposed to be here. If I went missing nothing would happen at all literally. I know that I am responsible for all this for it was being myself that got me here. I don’t understand why people would want any of this.