Ruined my friendship
I M26 became friends with this girl F24 at the start our university. We both study the same degree so saw each other often, sat next to each other went to lunch together etc. I developed a crush on her as well and gave her hints but she just wanted to be friends which I understood. We had some arguments due to her habit of ragebaiting and me taking things too far when I say smth back. But it was fine in the end. But I made a big mistake.... She had come over to my place to spend some time together. We made lunch together and decided to watch movie afterwards on my bed. During the movie at some point we were talking about massages. So I asked her to give me a massage and she happily obliged. I layed on my stomach and she got on top of my back to massage my back. Naturally, she wanted one in return too so i gave her one as well. Then she wanted to nap so she turned on the side but asked me to keep massaging her back. I did and after a bit i stopped.
Here's the fuck-up: I put my arm around her and pulled her closer to me. (Imagine the spooning position except only my chest and her back were in contact). She asked what am I doing and I immediately realized what I did. I let go immediately and apologized to her. She was understanding and explained that she doesn't cuddle with friends. I apologized again for making her uncomfortable and promised that would never happen again. She said she forgave me but would tease me in private about it. I was ashamed of myself and my actions and still am to this day. However after that, things were still normal until recently.
We went out to an event downtown as group with our other friends and she had brought a friend (M24) with her. We had fun but throughout there were intances of ragebaiting from her. I of course took it a step further when I said some things back. Things got sour towards the end and we were lowkey yelling at each other and our friend told us to stop. I was upset about the whole situation as was she. As we were going home, i decided to split and go to a bar and she went home with our other friend. The next day we were attending a birthday party of our common friend and I texted her saying that we should talk about what happened. She didn't answer but we went to the party with our other friends. She was cordial the whole night and towards the end I had asked her again if she had time the next day. She said she had plans so I left it at that. The next day she sent a message confronting me about the whole situation plus all the stuff that happened in the past (including the cuddling attempt). I apologized again for everything and told her that i dont want to lose her as a friend. She didn't reply and the next day was awkward. We didn't talk to each other at all. I asked her over text if she got my message and she replied that she did but needs space. So we didn't talk for a whole week. Then she texted me asking smth related to the course. I answered and asked if we can talk or if she still needs space. She said she didn't wanna be my friend anymore and that we can just be classmates. I said okay and asked if she can keep the cuddling incident to herself. She agreed.
Things have become very awkward at campus as a result. 2 of our common friends are now in an awkward position because she doesn't feel comfortable around me. We cant even all have lunch together at the same table. We used to go to parties together as a group, that probably won't happen again now.
I feel absolutely terrible about the whole situation and more so about the fact that I fucked up a friendship because of my actions. I am learning a very expensive lesson now.
Is there still hope that we can become friends again? Losing a friend like this sucks and I would really like it if things go back to how they were before. I miss her and her energy and I hate this awkward situation we have now.
Thank you for reading and your advice.
Posted Dec 7, 2025, 5:08 AM UTC