Single father of one

You can’t imagine the lows
some days, some nights,
of being a single father of one
for a decade.

I can’t either.

I can imagine the intense conflicting emotions,
simultaneous but opposite emotions,
which make one’s heart and mind
want to jump out of the body and quit:

When your sweet little boy
sleepily says good morning and I love you
after you’ve been up early,
dreading going to work;
dreading another day of sacrifice;
dreading what got you here;

Considering your options:
most of which should send you
to the most fiery pits of tortuous hell.

As if your kid could hear your thoughts in their dreams and came out to say
“I love you”
but meant
“please don’t give up”