did you ever cross the line into stockholm syndrome with your abuser

im out of this situation now but ever since i broke free from that mindset its almost impossible to emotionally connect with anyone. i don't miss my abuser but i miss the feeling of loving someone that hard. i feel subhuman now. i struggled for awhile with not knowing who i was because i had aligned with all of his beliefs including his beliefs about myself.

i was convinced i was the abuser for years. my fawning isn't as severe as it used to be ( thank god ) but it's still there. im avoidant for the most part but i have one friend that im attached to in a more anxious way. people say that if someone is safe you wouldnt feel the need to fawn but i feel like that's not entirely true. it became automatic and i did it with anyone really.