Mom is in the hospital (vent)

Hey everyone. First time poster but have been a lurker for a while. As a disclaimer, I’m on mobile, and not from the US. I don’t know all the terms of the medicine she’s been on or all the details. My mom wants to shield me and therefore doesn’t tell me everything. Also I think my brain is sort of intentionally forgetting things to protect my self. I am 24.

My mom (52) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in November 2022. She had big tumors on both ovaries. My country doesn’t really tell use stages so I don’t know what stage she was. She had chemo and then surgery to remove the ovaries and the uterus, then more chemo.

Summer 2023 she was cancer free. Then it came back in early 2024. She had several rounds of chemo before the cancer was deemed platinum resistant. It had also spread. She then began a study which she had to be pulled out of because her cancer was growing.

She was put on another chemo and had weekly rounds of this until November 2025, when it was clear the chemo wasn’t working. She has cancer in her bowels, in her lungs, and pretty much the whole stomach. Her tumour grew 2 centimetres while on chemo.

Luckily my mom has private health insurance and went to a private clinic which found a chemo that is usually used for breast cancer. It has absolutely knocked her out, and her health is declining rapidly.

She is now in hospital. She doesn’t want visitors because she feels so bad and is sleeping most of the time. She gets morphine every 2 hours and can’t eat or drink. She has some sort of infection in her bowels. Her CA levels is over 2000.

I’m scared she’s going to die soon. It’s been such a rapid decline and while she has been in and out of hospital a few times, this one feels more serious. I just have this gut feeling she’s not going to live to 2026. One part of me just wants it to be over soon, so she doesn’t have to suffer anymore. It has been truly awful seeing my mom decline.

Another part of me obviously wants my mom to live. I love her. I’m so young to be losing my mom. I’m lucky to have had her for as long as I have but it still hurts. I can’t imagine going about my life and then not having my mom there.

And I just feel so helpless because I don’t know what someone dying of cancer looks like. I’ve never been through this. And I feel awful because I feel so selfish in all of this. Like my needs shouldn’t matter at all because my mom has cancer.

I just wish I knew when and how it will all go down. It is intensely scary not knowing anything. I want to be more involved and know everything but my mom doesn’t want that, so obviously I’m respecting that. My dad is not really involved in my life at all and I feel like once she’s gone I am going to feel very alone.

Anyone have any advice for me? Or anecdotal stories which might tell me what to expect? I just feel so alone.