A childhood of love but no patience

My parents loved me. They gave me everything I ever wanted; spoiled me, indulged me. I think I was given every single game or toy or food I wanted. But the one thing my parents deprived me of was patience.

I have ADHD and autism. My parents knew, since I'd been diagnosed, but decided to keep it from me. I made a lot of mistakes as a kid. I'd forget where my school clothes were, I'd lose my shoes, I'd stand around confused instead of cleaning, I wouldn't wash my hands or wipe my ass as a child either. All of these things were given a really bad reaction. They'd tut, they'd sigh, they'd mumble to themselves, they'd call me names. Sometimes they'd yell at me, and yell again when I told them I was sorry or tried to explain.

I felt like a monster. These people loved me, and I was just hurting them by existing. Every mistake was rewarded with some passive aggressive gesture, reminding me that I was a drag on this people's lives. People I loved, people I wanted to be proud of me, made me feel like they hated me. And I learned to hate myself, too.

I learned that there's something wrong with me. Something that must be apologised for. I have to make up for those years of frustration by doing something incredible. If I can prove that I'm good enough, they'll forgive what I did to them. Maybe then, I'll finally be able to forgive myself.