Always a victim

I was 11 years old and my baseball Team (coached my by narc dad) got clobbered again and lost the game. Whenever we lost (which was often) my dad would yell at me on the car ride home and vent this anger for the loss. All of my teammates knew what was going to happen after these games and felt bad for me.

On the last day of that season, we lost and he gave me an earful on the ride home. Back at the house, emotions boiled over and I was nearly in tears. Somehow….my enabling mother made me go to my dad (who was pouting outside) and apologize to him -and- had me tell him that I want him to be my coach next season. I’m 56 years old now and I still feel like I’m that scared 12 year old kid in many ways. I look forward to his passing and I hope it comes soon.

On a positive note…I broke the cycle and my relationship with my son is ultra positive. He loves me and respects me, but he does not fear me. I never gave a crap about sports. I just want him to be happy doing whatever he wants to do.