Seeking advice and guidance.

33F here. I got divorced earlier this year from a 6.5y marriage to my high-school sweetheart. We were in a relationship for 12 yrs before that. Most of which was good. The end was horribly painful and left a deep, deep scar in the form of heartbreak for me. To cut a very long story very short, it was a LDR and he has developed narcissistic tendencies over the years, and the marriage turned extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. I went through almost 2 years of severe depression and anxiety, and was on meds until recently. About me – I am a scientific researcher, I have a career and identity of my own. I am generally outspoken, hard-working, attractive, smart, caring, intelligent, perceptive, and put in a lot of effort into my relationships and my self-growth.

In my marriage, I realized how important it is to actually live-in with a person to know them. I have recently started seeing someone seriously, and it’s been good. We met in person many times, but his job is not in my city. When he proposed, I told him I would not do another LDR, to which he agreed to move to my region. I feel safe with them, and in a very long time, see a glimmer of hope – I feel like dreaming about my future with another person again! I am in between jobs now, and we are waiting for me to land a position, which is when he will shift. So far, so good. But this is currently LDR. I am also apprehensive if this doesn’t work out in the future – I am scared I am already getting / will get emotionally attached and invested before we figure out how the future may look like practically. He visits me every 2 months, and has been a calm presence so far. Major values seem to be aligned (mostly). He seems growth-oriented and admitted that unlike me, this is his first serious relationship, and if he falters, he will seek guidance from me to improve on areas pertaining to the relationship.

To the smart woman out there, the question is, how do I prevent myself from getting too attached? Dreaming about the future? I have started looking forward to his visits, speaking on the phone, and sharing a life with him. Might I even say that I miss him sometimes. Help me pump the breaks in this!

I do not know what I am looking for – maybe some encouragement.