Help

Hey all I’m a 21 year old female suffering from bpd currently in remission but suffer symptoms here and there ofc, currently I’m struggling with insomnia and an ed it’s been 4 months in now and I’m really starting to feel it. I go to psychologist and dbt sessions but it hasn’t been cutting it recently. I do have support systems but because I’ve been doing so well recently everyone is asleep so I’m left alone in my head for a few hours, It’s been hard not to fall bad on my toxic behaviours from the past nothing is giving me a release. My hairs are slowly going white from stress and my sleep is only deteriorating more my splitting is out of control and my black and white thinking has led me to believe I’d be better off dead for not only my sake but everyone that I care about and love would be better off without me it’s really hard fighting these thoughts right now. All I want to do is self harm or attempt right now and disappear quietly off into the night.