I don't know--

Hi everyone,

I've never posted in this subreddit before, just always kinda lingered and read through popular posts.

I don't know if I need to vent or if I'm looking for food advice. But I just know I have to get this out. It's 6:30a and I've been laying in bed staring off since 9:30p.

My LO is turning 6mo. I love him, he's amazing. My first child. But I am breastfeeding and nothing has tasted right for going on 6mo. And it's getting worse.

I went from being 186lbs when I delivered, and I'm back down to 118-122lbs. Worst part is the clothing from before I was pregnant don't even fit. They're too big.

I'm wanting to keep breastfeeding. But my job sucks ass about my pumping (communal office so I usually just pump in my car.) and I'm a manager so I'm always bothered with stupid shit when I'm trying to do things that are good for me, like eat. And sleep. (We have a 24/7 crisis hotline so I'm supposed to be open for calls whenever. But it's also JUST ME. I am THE ONLY MANAGEMENT in shelter. I have 7 employees. (Very small shelter but still.))

I've aired both those issues to my boss who is the exec. of the agency. Nothing has changed. I was offered an office at another location to pump. But it's someone else's office who uses it x2/week. I feel unheard. Tired. Hungry. Burnt out. Depressed.

I slid my work times to fit around the nanny because it wasn't an option for my husband. So I get home at 7pm. Put the baby to sleep and then try to find something to make for dinner. But it's 7pm. And we have no groceries because if I don't go buy groceries, no one does. And if there is something to make, I'll cook it. Take a bite and not want to eat or I get sick.

I know it's stress that's dominantly triggering this. There's no way it's not. And the more stressed I get the less and less food tastes "acceptable" it's not good anymore. Not even nuts and cheese. And that's basically what I was living off for 2 months. I don't know what else to do.

I can't quit my job because I have student loans that no part time job could cover. My husband won't talk to his boss about having a later shift time. My boss won't give me additional management to help. I am so burnt out and unhappy in life. I need help, and I feel so stuck.

I just want to be able to enjoy the last bit of breastfeeding time I have with my son and instead I'm a husk. I am tired and impatient and that's not fair to him.