I’m 15 and I feel like I’m falling apart from the inside

I live with my parents, and every day I feel more and more worthless. My dad constantly criticizes me, belittles everything I do, and sometimes yells at me in anger when something isn't done the way he wants. I try to live a normal life: I go to college every day, study, do what I have to do. But inside I feel empty and tired.

It’s hard for me to blend in with other people my age. Their interests and tastes are completely different from mine. On top of that I’m socially anxious, and even talking to someone or asking for help feels like a huge challenge.

At some point I actually found a friend. I don’t even know how we became close, but it felt great. He liked the same games, had the same interests, and everything felt stable for once. Then things changed.

One day, I had a confrontation with a guy who was messing with me. He got aggressive, and I thought he was going to hit me, so I hit him first a few times. He hit me once too, and then somehow we all sat down like nothing happened.

After that, my friend started acting different. He distanced himself, answered me coldly and avoided me. Eventually we just pretended we were never friends at all. I still have no idea what I did wrong or why he suddenly pulled away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, trying to understand where I messed up.

My life feels unstable. I’m not asking for help or support. I just needed to say what’s been stuck inside me for a long time.