Missing his children - birthday today

I broke up (well was broken up with) by my ex in January and we last had any contact in March to exchange things left at each others houses. It has been hugely upsetting for me and probably the hardest bit of the whole breakup - losing my relationship with his two children. I had worked so hard to build a great relationship with them and I miss them deeply. I still have pictures they drew me stuck on my fridge - I’m not ready to take them down.

It is one of their birthdays today and the other is coming soon. I’m just feeling so sad about it and missing them. I even typed out a happy birthday message to send via my ex but haven’t sent it and I won’t send it.

I hate that I just vanished from their lives and I feel absolutely terrible about it - even though I had no say in how it happened. Sorry if this seems very self indulgent, just feeling down today about it all.