Mom Guilt and Exhaustion.

Like the title says, I’m a mom and I’m exhausted. I have a very demanding 3mo who hates sleep and generally just seems to hate existence 90% of the time. Today my husband asked me what I wanted to do on his day off because he can tell I’m just over it right now. I couldn’t think of literally anything when he asked me because I was so preoccupied with the baby but I just realized what I want to do and I feel guilty about it even though I can’t do it.

What I REALLY want to do is take an edible, sit in a quiet hotel room all by myself, eat some cheese and crackers or sweet treats, and play my cozy little video games like Stardew valley or Cult of the Lamb. But I can’t. My baby won’t take a bottle since 1.5 months so I’m exclusively breastfeeding, I lowkey don’t trust my husband to be as attentive to our baby as I would be (even though I may in reality being too attentive/anxious but idk, that’s a different discussion) for a 12 hour period, and my baby literally won’t sleep at night if she’s not co-sleeping with me so if I left she just wouldn’t sleep.

That’s it, I just wanted to whine and moan into the void that I can’t be a stoner for a night and turn my brain off like I want to. Thanks for reading.