I was told to post this here, I hope it is allowed (I’m not 100% as sick in bed with a flu, so can’t really focus all that well right now). The translation request bit is at the bottom.

Anyway, I would like to send condolences to a dojo in Japan of the martial art that I practice (our dojos belong to the same international organisation). Their head instructor passed away a few months ago and I only just found out the news. I was there last year to train with them for a week or so. I need some reassurance and/or advice on how to do this.

So far I have a card that is relatively small (15x15cm) and is white with a gold print chrysanthemum pattern on the front. I was going to write my message in English by hand into the card, and then add a printed insert with Japanese text (they do have one or two students who speak and read English, but most don’t, so I want to make it easy for them and have the best chance of avoiding things getting lost in translation).

So a couple of questions…

1.	⁠Is the timing a problem? My thinking is that it’s “better late than never” but does that hold here or could it be seen as insensitive? Do I need to acknowledge it in my message and if so, more or less?

2.	⁠Is the card (colours, imagery etc.) appropriate? I think it’s elegant, understated, has appropriate gravitas. But I’m not Japanese. I have linked to the design (see image post).

3.	⁠Is my approach to the message ok? Or should I just put the English message alone? If I do use the insert, does the translation read ok? Is there anything I should change? I’ve typeset it reading top-to-bottom and right-to-left but the message is constructed as follows (line breaks to get it to fit into the square card and hopefully not break in crazy places):

コシンカン道場の皆様へ

山本正一先生のご逝去を知り、
心よりお悔やみ申し上げます。

先生の直接のご指導を受けた者も、
稽古を通じて先生の教えに触れた者も
おりますが、いずれにせよ
先生の献身と智慧、そして精神は
私たちに深い影響を与え、
今後の稽古に生き続けます。

道場の皆様がこの困難な時期を
無事に乗り越えられますよう、
心よりお祈り申し上げます。

Here is the English:

Dear Koshinkan Dojo,

We offer our deepest condolences on the passing of Sensei Shoichi Yamamoto.

Some of us received his instruction directly, and others were exposed to his teachings through practice. Regardless, his dedication, wisdom, and spirit have made an impact on us and will continue to live on in our practice.

We wish you all strength and resilience in this difficult time.


[English > Japanese] Condolences