A hopeful post, maybe?

You know that old platitude about “it happens when you least expect it?” It’s not wrong. This is going to be a bit long, but if you want a sweet story, read on.

About two years ago I (43F….well 41F at the time) was swiping on tinder, DEEP in the trenches of the hell that is dating online for straight women. I swiped left on any guy who was only looking for causal, because that’s not what I was after. But all of a sudden I’m presented with a picture of a guy who stopped me dead in my tracks. Dear reader, when I say this man was my wet dream come to life, I am not exaggerating. My friends know that my celebrity crush is Chris Evans, or rather, Chris Evans as Captain America, from the first movie. It’s not just the look, but the character, everything. If I could make Steve Rogers real, that would be the end of me. So here’s Tinder, sending me a dude who is basically that, except with red hair. Did I mention my other celebrity crush is Sam Heughan of Outlander fame? Yeah. This man was straight out of central casting for the square jawed, all American, tall and handsome hero. But there it was, the dreaded “short term fun” only, and all his bio said was “leaving for Honduras in 4 days”. I distinctly remember my thumb hovering over the profile, ready to swipe left. But I was so smitten that I swiped right. It was an instant match.

Much to my surprise, the conversation that ensued was witty. Charming. Flirty but not explicit. I was convinced he must be a catfish (his profile wasn’t verified). Still, I agreed to meet up that night. What ensued was one of the best dates I had ever been on, and a night of the hottest sex I had ever had. As he goes to leave my house that night he says “I’ve never met a woman like you, can I please keep in touch”. I was convinced this was a line he told all the girls, but once again against my better judgment, I agreed.

He was stationed in Honduras for the next year. So after only one night together, our relationship basically developed over text and occasional video chat. And man, there was substance there. A type of intellectual compatibility I had never experienced with a man. Someone who genuinely seemed to enjoy my thoughts, not just my looks. But again, we had only spent one night together, and the ambiguity of it all (plus the fact that he was probably also talking to other women) became too much for me to handle. It was messy, I didn’t know what he wanted from the “relationship” (and felt silly asking since we had only spent one night together), so I didn’t see how we could have a future together. I broke it off after about 6 months of talking long distance because the situation was causing me more grief and it wasn’t worth it, no matter how much potential I saw. You don’t stay for potential.

Fast forward to this year. I had a short term relationship in between but never stopped thinking about him. Again, in a moment of weakness, I texted him. I knew he must be stateside again and I was hoping he’d be garrisoned nearby. I was right. He responded immediately. Turns out that after I broke it off, he also started dating someone else. When I asked him why he didn’t reach out after that ended he said “well you made it pretty clear you didn’t want to deal with my army bullshit anymore”. Fair point.

But I am so glad I took the risk. Because let me tell you, this man has been nothing but steady, consistent intention since then. Dating an active duty infantry officer is not for the faint of heart, he works insanely long hours and 2 combat deployments in Afghanistan have left their mark. But despite all that, he ensures that I am a priority. He drives an hour in rush hour traffic just to come have dinner with me or help me with something around the house. He may be a combat vet but he is a kind and loving goofball. He’s funny, he’s smart. He’s honest and earnest to the point of being kind of dorky (so the thing about not having met a woman like me before was actually him being earnest). And on top of that he’s so handsome that I can barely keep my hands off him. He jokes that I must be a honeypot because he thinks I am out of his league, but I feel like the one who lucked out. I’ve met his family and they’ve accepted me without hesitancy. He’s been vulnerable with me in ways that I never thought a man could. It was a slow burn, and there were a few moments where I thought to myself “I’m not sure he’s the one for me”. But that’s because I was used to love bombing douchebags, not steady and intentional guys who let things build slowly over time. He’s my Steve Rogers, and I am absolutely in love with him.

And that’s the story of how all the dating “rules” don’t matter when it’s the right person.