My best friends started dating.

Hello,

I (f) have had a weird history with friendships where I usually feel a little left out. I’m autistic which might explain it a little. But for the past few years I’ve met some Really lovely friends, I’ve had 2 Im especially close with and Really enjoy The company of.

they were both the first people I really kissed, or felt I could do anything somewhat intimate with (not sex) but it was something I was never comfortable with until them, and it felt really nice to Have that sort of connection for the first time, in a way that was gentle and didnt have any intentions to progress into any sort Of romance. But anyway, in the last month these two friends have started dating. I feel really upset about it. I really want To be happy for them, and I know they want me to be happy to, the hard part is they are so nice about it, I feel like such an asshole Because I’m so jealous and so frustrated that I can’t Have that Anymore. I feel like I was just a weird experiment for them to get with eachother instead. It makes me really upset, I cried on one Of them about it. I don’t even think I’d care if they’d fallen in love with anybody else but they just had to fall in love with each other. I’m very bitter, and very angry in a way that doesn’t even really make sense, I never wanted To date , and it’s not fair on them for me to be upset like this.. but I can’t like, get away from it either, there’s reminders of them being together basically everywhere right now, lockscreens, clothes, profile pictures, just in general talk, holding hands, layinf Against eachofher, its all right in my face.

they’re the only people i Really had to vent to about things properly and they’re in every other space I really exist in that I could, ao I just can’t talk about it. I’m worried im going to mess up my friendship because I can’t stop feeling so upset about it. I just Feel so lonely even if that’s not true, I’m luckier than most people.