I'm only 19 but I feel like I'm running out of time.

I never had a "teenage phase". I never broke the rules on purpose, I didn't argue with my parents or protest even when the things they said were hurting me. I was always just so scared of consequences that I followed all the unspoken rules and suffered in silence. I barely had a social life in high school: just a boyfriend I barely got to see and a handful of kids I was just sort of grouped in with, but I hardly spoke to them because of my prejudices. The normal kids didn't care for me, so they always either ignored me or talked shit about me. Then I went to college but I just left after like 2 weeks or something stupid because of my anxiety, and I've been rotting in my house ever since. I've just missed out on such a huge portion of my life. An incredibly significant and VITAL part of anyone's life was just sort of cut out of mine. In less than a year, I'll be 20. I want to start "acting like a teenager" and living for myself but I'll just feel so dumb and cringey if I'm a 20 year old still acting like a kid.

Therapy has helped. I might go back, I don't know. I just feel like I'm missing out on so many important experiences that I'm getting "too old" for.