I had a one night stand and it couldn’t have gone worse

This is rock bottom for me, For context I’ve been struggling with alcohol abuse and going into psychotic episodes since my ex boyfriend raped me a few months ago, last night I had two guys over and got really drunk and don’t remember a lot, next thing I know one of them has gone home and one of them is doing stuff with me and this guy is a virgin, he ran me through everything that we did and I’m absolutely mortified, it was consensual because I consented and we were both drinking but still oh my god. I briefly remember telling him to use my vibrator and I think we did that, when morning came he took me back to his house then my mother tracked me down and brought me home and called the ambulance Because I was threatening to hurt myself, I’m currently in hospital under observation and my main concern is the fact that I LOST A VIBRATOR and there’s a chance this guy has it in his house or car or something, I also don’t really know him so he could definitely make fun of me behind my back or judge the shit out of me, I also took his virginity and that’s awful

I’m not the type of person to sleep around or anything I only have 1 body, I am also a minor but what happened was consensual

I’m at a point where I’ve reallt lost all my dignity and don’t see how anyone in the world has done something as awful as this that’s why I’m sharing this, I’m scared that my family dog will find it and eat it or something so I’ve completely opened up to my family about what happened and they got me the morning after pill

I know this isn’t a place to complain or grasp onto any empathy I can get but I don’t know anyone that has done something like this and I’m begging to hear a similar story because I truly don’t believe I can come back from this.

I have no way to check my room or anything I’m just stuck here until I get put into a mental health ward